I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize