Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize