uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
