There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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