I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
