your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
