i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
