i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
