The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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