thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
