If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
