taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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