There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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