Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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