Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
