i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize