Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
