I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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