Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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