I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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