you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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