Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
time to smoke my breakfast
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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