I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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