Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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