I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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