I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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