At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
