i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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