oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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