My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
