piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
