she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
