Just cropdusted the office
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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