4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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