my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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