Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
