So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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