I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
