im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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