I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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