4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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