Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Are my feet made of real feet?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
