i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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