as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
