How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
