Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
