"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
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