Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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