I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
