I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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