one word: firstdatebathroomanal
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
