You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
