I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
