all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
