ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
