oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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