Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
