If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
