Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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