I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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