i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
