Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize