Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
