addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
