I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she peed on how many people?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
