: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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