dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
